He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
