I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
pray to the hookup gods
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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