break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
