Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
