Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
