why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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