I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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