Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
