I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
