im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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