last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
