Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There's always time for handjobs
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i believe in u and ur pee
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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