yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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