I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
