Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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