I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
