I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
