trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This is the high leading the old right now
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
