I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
