You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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