Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
