STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
