Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
