Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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