Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
its liver damage thursday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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