So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I skipped work to stalk him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
