what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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