Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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