I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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