How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
