When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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