Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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