I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
