my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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