just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
