I showed him my bush... on skype.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
