I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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