I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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