Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
