Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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