The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
