What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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