Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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