Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
home. puking in laundry basket.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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