he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Less talking, more tequila
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
