Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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