I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He passed out mid-signature
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Green mimosas i think yes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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