he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
