marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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