Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
