Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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