I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
