WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
