For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
