What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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