I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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